In His Time

Yesterday, I forwarded an email to my friends that talks about God's plan for us. Then, one of my friends asked me if I don't sometimes find it hard to decipher what God's purpose for us is.

Actually, just last weekend, Saturday night, in fact, I did exactly that. I received news about something and it really bothered me so much. So much so that I cried myself to sleep that night and talked to God. I asked Him why does all of this have to happen. Why can't he give me the one thing, the only thing that I’ve wanted ever since I was a kid. I told Him that I don't understand anymore and that I am so tired of all the heartaches and pain. I doubted what His plan is for me.

The following Monday, I told a friend all about it, including my talk with Him. And part of what she told me was this:

alam ni Lord kung ano yung gusto ng puso mo… alam nyang nahihirapan ka…at alam nya na napapagod ka na kaya dumarating ka sa point na nakikipag-argue or nagtatanong sa kanya. Alam nya lahat yan...

…pray pray and pray pa rin, na bigyan ka ng strength ni God. It's painful, it seems unfair.. but go on, cry out to God for help, and at the same time, trust in Him na kahit anong mangyare, makakaraos ka rin.. think of the times in the past when you felt like giving up, yung times na you were worrying so much about something.. God was there to carry you, God has always been there.. all the time. And you were able to get through them.

…everyone always has 50% chance of winning and 50% risk of losing in any of life's battles. If you win in this one, thank God, and cherish the blessings he gives you. If you are not lucky this time, thank God, and continue to hope that he'll help you get what your heart desires…

I admit, during that time, I was so blinded by pain that I wasn’t thinking clearly. That all I thought about was myself and how what I learned could affect me, I never thought of how it would affect the other people involved. After a couple of days, I could finally think straight. It still bothers me though and causes me sleepless nights, but at least I’m calmer now and I am able to not let my emotions get in the way of my thinking.

I also realized the truth in what my friend told me. He has never let me down before, so why would I think that He’d let me down ever? During those times when He hasn’t given me what I prayed for, I ended up getting something better. And He was there to help me up during all those times when I fell, facedown, on the ground. Then sometimes, when I find myself all alone and confused I’ve always turned to Him and I felt comforted. And whenever I would feel my faith wavering, I just tell Him to not give up on me and hang on. I would ask Him to be more patient with me as I am still very much a work in progress.

My friend saying that there’s always a 50-50% chance of winning and losing in life was right. I can’t always have what I want. It’s as simple as that. I may not understand His reasons why right now, but there will come a time, I’m sure that I will realize that He indeed gave me the best. After all, who knows me better than myself but Him?

With this new situation that I’m facing, it occurred to me that perhaps He's just teaching me to trust Him with all my heart. He wants me to open up to Him and accept His guidance and presence in my life completely. And know and believe that He would never forsake me, and that in the end, He only wants what's best for me.

I may not know what God’s plan for me really is, but I believe that someday, somehow, He will give me what my heart truly desires.

In His time.


If in someway I gave you the impression that I’m living a religious life, then I’m sorry, because I’m not. It’s hard to explain what my relationship to Him is like, so I won’t even try.