Mad

When you know that you're just setting yourself up for a heartache, will you still pursue it? When you know that what you have are just broken dreams and useless yearnings, what do you do? Yes, he makes you smile, he makes you laugh... you enjoy spending time with him, he makes you feel good. But at the end of the day, you know, without an iota of doubt, that nothing will ever come out of it. Isn't it being masochistic? But how do you stop? How do you stop thinking about him, how do you stop yourself from falling an inch everyday?

I was doing fine, I was okay with my being alone and single. Until he came along. Suddenly, i'm feeling things that I know I shouldn't because it's just not right. Just like that, my world is slowly turning upside down. I know that if I continue this, i'm only setting myself up for a major heartache and then it'll be hard to pick up the pieces and mend myself again. But what do I do? How do I stop? It's like he's awakened a part of me that has been asleep for a long time. I've never felt like this for anyone for really a long time, as in this strong. To be fair to the guy, he's not doing anything at all. He's not even aware of what i'm going through, and he really should not know. He's just being himself. He's just being his cute, lovable, nice, thoughtful self.

The thing is, he makes me happy. He makes me happy without his even knowing it. He makes me happy with the simple things that he does, the simple things he says. And i've never been happy for quite sometime, not this kind of happy, the love-or-something-like-that happy. He can make me smile even when i'm in a really bad mood. He makes me feel special. I know that he does not do it consciously, he's just really like that and that is one of the things that I really like about him. It's like, i've found a really good friend but the problem is I want him to be more that my friend but can't.

I don't know what will happen. I don't know if I will fall all the way in love with him. As of this moment, I really don't know. I just hope that I won't do anything stupid. I'm praying I won't.

----------
Note to friends: Please don't ask about this, i'll sort this out somehow. Thank you. :)