Sleepless Nights

I don’t know if Valentine’s Day has anything to do with it but lately I’m finding myself in one of my moods.

For the past nights, each time I lay myself down to sleep, I’d put on my iPod and choose the saddest songs and stare at the ceiling until I find that I’ve only got a couple of hours before it’s time to wake up already. And in those moments only one thing goes through my mind: Why am I still alone? Don’t get me wrong, I like my current status of single blessedness. I enjoy the freedom of choosing how I spend my time. I like that I don’t have to worry about somebody complaining that I don’t give them enough time. I like not having to worry about anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s day and other occasions you could think of.

Admittedly though, there are times when I envy my friends who are in a relationship or who are married (well, married not that much), that’s normal, and bearable. But there are some times when that feeling becomes so overwhelming and that is when sadness and longing creeps in. That is when I’d realize how much I want to have someone with whom I can share a part of me. Someone who I could call in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep. Someone who’d pick me up at the end of the day and spend a few hours with. Someone who’d hold my hand when I’m feeling down or give me a hug when words are not enough. Someone I could take care of and worry about. Someone I’d love and who’ll love me back.

Haay… I know someday my time will come, that eventually I’d meet my God’s gift. But if not, I’m okay with that too, honestly. It’s just that, it gets lonely sometimes and I think that it’s okay to give in to that loneliness every now and then otherwise, I’d lose my sanity.