062211

Letting go by its nature is hard. For me, letting go of something you never had should be the easiest type of letting go. Then why am I finding it so hard to do so?

It probably is my fault. Maybe I gave more meaning to the friendship that you offered. Maybe I allowed myself to hope that there could be something more, that somehow there is something more. Maybe that is why I find myself hurting now.

I wonder if the reason why I was so gullible was because I am so desperate to fall in love, so frantic to experience how it is to be in love and be loved in return that I see each act of kindness or friendship as so much more. This feeling of desperation is what makes me vulnerable, more susceptible to hurt.

When things were starting, I only had one prayer. That if it is not you that you be taken away from me. That we don’t become too close that I won’t be able to hold myself back from falling for you. That if it is not you, that God won’t allow me to fall for you. But I did. And it probably was my fault, because I failed to recognize the signs, or that I stubbornly refused to recognize the signs that He has given me. And now I am again asking for a sign, and I sincerely hope that this time I will listen. So that I truly let you go and just accept the friendship that you offer.

And maybe then, I will be ready to open my heart to the one who is truly meant to be in it.