Will I Ever?

I've been drowning in sadness and longing for quite sometime now and honestly, it's getting tiring. Each time that I think i'm feeling okay, something will happen that somehow i'll find a way to make a big issue out of which in turn will cause me to feel sad again. I don't want to unload on my friends anymore because it's the same topic again and again and I know that eventually I will also tire them out so i'm keeping all of it to myself. I've been snappish, and moody, and basically pretty hard to live with for the past months.

Problem is, I don't know exactly what it is that i'm looking for. I don't know if i'm where I am now, emotionally, because of a specific person or because there is something that I so desperately want but I can't seem to have.

I want to be in love and be loved in return, why is it so damn hard?? Will I ever get a shot at it? Will I ever find him? Sometimes i'm not so sure anymore.